Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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