I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
