I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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