wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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