woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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