So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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