WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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