Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
