Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
