my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
