i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
