you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
