she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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