I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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