I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
