the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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