Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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