so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
