some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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