Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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