its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
