He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
