STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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