Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
