home. puking in laundry basket.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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