I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
