yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
