I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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