i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
