Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
