I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
