He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
