I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
