I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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