I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
