So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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