This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
