And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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