what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
