We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
