I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
