You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
