If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
