Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
