And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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