Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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