my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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