you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
