Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i dont even know how to be here
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
