Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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