Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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