I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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