Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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