Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
