meet me or not, i'm out of control
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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