you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
