My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
