I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
