meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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