Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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