If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
