I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
