I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
