it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
