so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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