All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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