he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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