I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
