Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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