I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
