Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
