I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event