paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like I smell like bad decisions