Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme