i'm signing you up for texting rehab
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much