remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
