Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

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(503): i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there. http://tfl.nu/qu8f

Replies (15) Good night (560) Bad night (4964)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.

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(405): Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them. http://tfl.nu/lm0t

Replies (38) Good night (6776) Bad night (1868)
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(806): View more from Texas

Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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(806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0

Replies (6) Good night (4796) Bad night (734)
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(408): View more from California

um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.

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(408): um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend. http://tfl.nu/849c

Replies (48) Good night (5856) Bad night (892)
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(917): View more from New York City

so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...

(845): View more from New York

Are you serious?

(917): View more from New York City

yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...

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(917): so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head... (845): Are you serious? (917): yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it... http://tfl.nu/iiih

Replies (25) Good night (860) Bad night (4472)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

(519): View more from Ontario

She did the bend and snap...

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(519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn

Replies (29) Good night (7688) Bad night (1126)
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(817): View more from Texas

He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

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(817): He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round http://tfl.nu/7y9k

Replies (18) Good night (8258) Bad night (979)
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(310): View more from California

Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

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(310): Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god" http://tfl.nu/2xo4

Replies (10) Good night (4359) Bad night (846)
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(435): View more from Utah

I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.

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(435): I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs. http://tfl.nu/z5mq

Replies (13) Good night (2681) Bad night (718)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days

(1-308): View more from Nebraska

Are you goin to rehab again?

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(308): Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days (1-308): Are you goin to rehab again? http://tfl.nu/dce0

Replies (13) Good night (860) Bad night (1246)
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(516): View more from New York

Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future

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(516): Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future http://tfl.nu/gu0v

Replies (15) Good night (936) Bad night (1761)
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(417): View more from Missouri

After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing

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(417): After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing http://tfl.nu/he4t

Replies (11) Good night (1117) Bad night (396)
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(845): View more from New York

I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.

(845): View more from New York

I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"

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(845): I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home. (845): I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip" http://tfl.nu/e0kb

Replies (7) Good night (1897) Bad night (372)
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(317): View more from Indiana

SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.

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(317): SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON. http://tfl.nu/7e01

Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (384)
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(210): View more from Texas

Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.

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(210): Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from. http://tfl.nu/h7wh

Replies (0) Good night (207) Bad night (273)

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