also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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