I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie