this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
