You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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