I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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