Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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