Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
