so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
