dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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