im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
