theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
