She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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