I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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