guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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