Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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