david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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