Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
